today, or rather last night was the first night of my shift. its started at 8pm and lasted all the way till this morning's 8am. i'm extremely not used to staying up the whole night and of course my sinus doesn't make things any better. i even got messed up about the dates. like, its supposed to be 15th may morning but i thought it was like, 16th may morning. haha.

its tiring yes, when i got home i took a bathe and slept all the way till 3 30pm. haha. i hope the whole thing ends earlier so we could get more rest. plus, getting stuck in camp in the wee hours, with no one to talk to except the NS Men and my warrant officers isn't exactly a good feeling. but still i get to hear the experiences of the NS Men and hear about life in the army back in the old days. this particular guy, a Commando, tells me about how tough life was back then. no such thing as welfare, and the instuctors basically treated them like dogs. everything was mostly mental torture, physical torture was only the beginning as their body got used to the tough load.

then we talked about university and stuffs. he majored in EEE back in his uni days but it was at australia. he said EEE is quite a tough subject to study as there was alot of shit to cover, but back then engineering was highly sought after. also, you could register with the Professional Board of Engineers (i think?) hence its more of a "professional engineering" kinda stuff. well. i dunno but i sure am looking forward to ORD and getting on with my life.

other than that.. well nothing much been happening man. i'm still feeling a huge tinge of regret over some stuffs. some stuffs that i told myself can't be happening. but it still happened anyway. i've been such an idiot, for far too long. been indecisive on some matters in my life, but this.. i didn't know how this painful could be. been suffocating under words of sorrow and keeping it in my heart for far too long. tearing every piece of me apart. its killing me already. but, what can i do?

Touchstone:
"We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal
in folly."

As You Like It, ACT II, Scene 4


i will get through it.