"but.... you're a nice guy, and i can't bring it up to tell you..."

the worst excuse ever.

i don't get it, so just because i'm all nice and friendly to you, doesn't mean it gives you the right to hurt me. because "oh he's a nice guy, he'll understands i'm sure. i don't really need to tell him.." means that i don't need to know the truth from the start.

"he's a nice guy, i don't wanna hurt him, i think he'll understand one.."

"i heard from her that you're a nice guy, so she's afraid of hurting you.. and the friendship."


what the fuck........


now that the exams are over, the nightmares comes back. i start to think. thoughts haunt me. i can't help it, its just simply too overwhelming at times.

i.... tried to be angry but i know deep down inside i'm yearning for her otherwise. the sense of disappointment and the tragedy of myself is choking me up entirely.

anyway, its just a short rant. the whole episode happened weeks ago.. does it even matter anymore? no. will she give a fuck? hell no man.. does doing anything to draw her attention or to salvage the situation makes any difference? NEVER.

gah. the only saving grace is that i still have this little space for me to vent it all out. all my hopes and dreams literally smashed into pieces. i'm practically left floating on my own now, hanging onto the slightest thinnest thread. i'm sure people can tell, we don't really communicate anymore now. probably will do me good, since its gonna be the start of a whole new year, plus a new semester.

my friends, they have been supportive and understanding. thanks guys.

merry fucking christmas everyone.. =)

ahhh blogger.. my little haven.

a place where i can soak in my own comfort, live in my own dreams, sink deeper into my comfort zone. hide away from the world. no reality.





well i can't say much, can i?

it was mostly "okays" and "i'm sorry"s. nah, seriously what do you think could have been said? "oh okay i was just kidding, let's go back to the start."?

lol that's next to impossible. anyway i've said my piece too, maybe its insignificant to you, maybe you would treated it as a "okay, whatevers" kinda thing.

then came the "yeah we should take a time-out yo."

its okay. i lost the fight. i went down real hard. i'll admit it. but its okay. we're still cool.





then again, its time to set the priorities right now. studies. after all, thats why we're here for right?

------------------------------------------------


to be honest, life in school now is great, but not awesome. it'll be much more awesome with the amount of mugging reduced. haha. damnit man, just bumped into kai siang (my senior) in school, so he asked, "so where're you going?" i replied, "orh, going to study lor." he was surprised and replied back, "WAH! study again? you like everyday study like that leh!"

wa sian. totally no life liao. anyway, can't be helped. next week there's this super anal algorithm quiz. plus 2 weeks away to the exam. i cant afford to slack now.

oh well, with my mind now cleared, i guess its time to put in 100% focus and energy into both studies and UOC. =)

no i'm not feeling emo.

i won't give up =)

its over. everything. all the hopes and dreams, gone. everything that i've looked forward to, no more. in an instant. =(

sigh.

when doubt begins to cast its cloud over you... when the air of pessimism surrounds you. its time to take a step back and look at things on the bright side.

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.


love someone.

wow, this blog has been REAL dead for some time. haha! i seriously doubt of anyone who know its existence wahahaha.

so anyway, lemme backtrack a few months ago.


JULY.

my birthday was on 1 july. i spent it in camp doing some stupid parade, as always.

anyway, my poly buddies kelvin jason salty bingting ek benji sh and sx played this ultimate prank on me. they brought a pair of PINK colour auntie slippers for me to wear. wtf. anyway, it goes like, i meet them at city hall station. so after everyone arrived, they said they bought me a new pair of slippers since my slippers already CMI. so they insist i took off my shoes first before they show me.

next thing i know, a BRIGHT PINK pair of slippers was thrust into my arms and my dear pair of riverisland shoes was whisked away by them =((

if you guys saw my facebook pics, im pretty sure they took some pics of me in those ugly slippers hahhahaa!

i was made to walk all the way from the city hall MRT control station to the water fountain there. and into this teppanyaki restaurant BEFORE they relented and passed me my new pair of BIRKENSTOCKS =D awesome right?!


thereafter nothing much happening, except for the last week when i attended Union Orientation Camp 2010. and that, my friends, is the most happening event that i've ever joined this entire year. or should i say, i ranked it the top 3 of the most memorable events that happened this year (drats, i can't even list out the other 2, shall i just put it as the 1 and only? hahhaa)

i got to know ALOT ALOT of people, from all walks of life. guys and girls alike, and we've formed such a strong bond. hahaha. the seniors too, even though the girls are younger than me, but i still address them as seniors hahaha. nah it wasnt on purpose to make them feel old! now of course call them by name la...

the entire camp right from pre-camp was filled with fun! right from the 1st day i kena sabo-ed liao hahhaha but what is an orientation camp without sabo and forfeits right!

from the camp games to initiation, clubbing night, SP day, mamasan day, beach games and of course the ultimate AMAZING RACE as well as CHEER FIGHT, every moment was filled with fun and enjoyment.

of course, my group Enzo won. yup. E-group has been winning for the past 4 years straight and we took it to the 5th year =D

looks like the next batch of freshies has a lot of pressure! haha. but well, important thing is to enjoy ba.


AUGUST

august this time round was slightly happening. first of all, come end-Aug i would have started school. secondly after the UOC, Enzo was organising outings like free flow la! due to the damn army commitments i had to skip quite alot of them =( but anyway august was fun too! so good to see all of us bonded tightly together.

august is also the time where our dear friends KELVIN XIAO PAN PAN and SHUXIAN got together! actually its somewhere around end-july or early-august. everyone was totally shocked la haaha omg no one actually predicted that they would get together!

and end-aug comes. everyone all geared up for school. INCLUDING ME!

last day of camp, 27th aug. packed up everything, left the camp with the biggest grin on my face i've not had in months =)

30th aug. school begins. got lost in campus! OMG NTU is so fucking big. technically the academic campus such as classrooms and lecture theatres they're housed in this part of NTU. the rest is just the accomodation halls and sports hall and the running tracks and fields. man. now THATS huge.


SEPT.

well, its only the first half of sept or so, things are looking great, getting adjusted to uni life. trying to grab hold of that special someone too =) but the study workload is CRAZY omg the lectures, even though short, but the professors breezed them through like its ABCs. damnit.

im actually feeling lazy to continue to blog (that always happens man lmao) but i hope i'll be back to update or something. till then!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ENZO:

the ultimate yandaos:
zang, benjamin, victor, wei xing, chen shao, choon long, tan jin, yun long, yi qiang, chie hong.

of course, the chio bus!
jasmine, melissa, quincy, yih fang, kim, cordelia, xing dan, hui xian, jia yin, diane, charlene.

yup, back from taiwan on 28th may, and its like 12 june now.

no wait, its 13th.

blog has been neglected, haaaa, well no one bothers to read it anyway. social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter provides better coverage i guess.

NTU's matriculation package just arrived. hmm. its back to school for me soon, i guess.

gotta get used to studying, mugging, mathematics, formulae, electrical theorems.



bye.

im heading to taiwan.

i was feeling so happy.

i SHOULD be happy.


then came along my wisdom tooth.


FML!

and so today....

met up with ram ashley and abel. the ORD personnel!!

argh. oh well its only like 4months more to MINE.

MY FUCKING O R D.

no one's gonna mess with mine.


anyway we headed to Ink Bar (i think the spelling is correct) for some drinks. its this classy bar located at the lobby of swissotel at raffles city.

not bad, i was expecting to spend a bomb there, in the end its only around 30 for 2 glasses of cocktail! had a Malibu Bay Breeze (malibu + some juices) and Mai Tai!! lol. Mai Tai was slightly stronger, with some rum in it.

next time can drag the dudes in there and chill with the jazz music :D

wow check out the date now, its been like 2 months since i've updated?

haha, anyways no one bothers to check the blog so i guess i'll just update or rant whenever i feel like it.

so. what has been going on in eric seo's life for the past 2 months or so?

February nothing much. well apart from chinese new year and valentine's day......

i went for my basic intelligence specialist course for the whole of march. i attended soe's birthday, which the guys us had a great night out. and i prepared for may's taiwan trip.


so far so good.



YEAH RIGHT.

nothing really interesting is happening now, heck, i can't even think offhand of any interesting or peculiar events that had happened to me for the past 24 hours. WHAT'S WRONG MAN.

WHATS WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.

no dont tell me i need a girlfriend -_-




anyway. just came back from gramps just now. had some nice food there, but today was really fucked up man, managed to fall out from camp at like 6 20pm. rofl jonathan was sure pissed like hell, he supposed to meet edwin at like 5 45pm lolololol.

school starts on the 30th of august this year, idk, i just feel weird going back to school all over again. i can't really seem to picture myself carrying a bag, walking to take bus 179, searching for some dumb lecture theater thats supposed to be my first class or lecture. and not to mention the overload of foreign students there...... i'll have plenty of china-chinese and india-ndian friends for sure. NICE.

well i guess its time for me to seriously considering joining CCAs. i mean, i never really liked joining CCAs cuz it takes up most of my out-of-campus time but, well, i guess in university its quite a critical factor in your overall performance? next step: WHAT CCA TO CHOOSE. good question. realllly WEAAALLY good question.

you gotta admit it, being in NS, you THINK alot. you THINK about your future. you THINK about what you're gonna do after you ORD. you THINK about what to do for the weekend. you THINK about which bitch to ride to every saturday night.

okay the last one was obviously a no-link.




FUCK its 12am now im gonna go grab some sleep now tml FRYDAY liao ITS FRIDAY IM IN LOVE

chao outside motherfucker!

HAHAHA

like this blog is soooooooooooo dead.

just read somewhere in the newspaper, that the popularity of blogs have declined quite significantly over the past 1,2 years.

on the other hand, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter have had traffic and updates increased drastically...

wow.


anyhow.

GONG XI FA CAI! (to those who are reading this...................)



a new lunar new year. hopefully everything will be smooth-sailing.. 2009 was full of ups and downs. quite a roller-coaster year.. hahaha.

hmm. wonder what my zodiac Dragon will be like this year...

DRAGON: 63% (9 favorable and 3 unfavorable months)

The Tiger does not take a back seat to the Dragon when it comes to being outrageous. It could be a spectacular year for this high flying duo. On the other hand Metal is unlucky for the Dragon and, therefore, you. There are thus likely to be a few times you will crash and burn. The key is not to get too caught up in the moment. Be thoughtful and avoid unnecessary risk.

You can't beat the Tiger this year, but joining forces will pay off. If you can bring yourself to exhibit a little self control, the year 2010 could be a most rewarding one indeed. Regardless of the outcomes, you will no doubt have a most exciting time. So enjoy yourself and move out smartly during the nine favorable months, and tread lightly in the other three.

Career

The Tiger ushers in a year of uncertainty and rapidly changing conditions, circumstances in which the Dragon is uniquely suited to thrive where others may stumble. Professionally, Dragons who felt their progress was stymied during the last Ox year will find abundant new prospects to explore. A new position or role could be promising, and if you are seeking a change, you are best poised to pursue opportunities early in the year or in the fall.

When taking action on the career front, however, you are advised to do so in close collaboration with colleagues or superiors. Your endeavors are more likely to have the desired outcome when you gain support early instead of going it alone. Seek valuable insights from respected leaders in your field.

Relationships

It will be important to the Dragon's health to deliberately set aside time for extracurricular pursuits that will allow you to unwind and release tension. You may need to schedule exercise and personal care activities as if they were important appointments. If you wait for free time to take care of yourself, it will not happen. Mentally, you could benefit from pushing yourself or taking new risks, even in your leisurely pursuits. You may be surprised at how quickly you master a new skill. Activities that boost your confidence will improve your psychological fitness to cope with the challenges of this Tiger Year.

Health

The best thing Dragons can do for their health in a Tiger year is curb excess. Whether it is overindulgence, too much stress, or too little sleep, your tendency will be to extremes that can have a damaging impact on your health. Some vigilance here should help prevent illnes in the short and long term.

Even if you can't change your habits, don't discount the importance of frequent exercise and plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables as moderating factors. From a mental health standpoint, it will serve you well this year to be very open with trusted confidantes. Don't bottle up your feelings; things will seem more manageable when you talk them through.

Wealth

Good financial prospects should not prevent the Dragon from watching pennies in the Year of the Tiger. Your fortune could be increasing, but money will go out faster than it comes in without some deliberate restraint. Lucrative opportunities should present themselves, but guard against greed. Don't push your luck on risky investments. You may not feel the need for thrift this year, but an ambitious savings plan could bolster your long term prospects. Resist unnecessary luxuries that may seem particularly enticing to you, and this year of plenty could go a long way to building your fortune.

hmm. well it didn't really clearly state how this year will go for me (eg. whether my luck in wealth is really bad or my luck in relationship looks good) but anyways..

ITS THE FUCKING YEAR OF THE O.R.D SO WHO CARES

HAHAHAHAHAH.

wokay.

been a long time since i've updated this blog of mine, which i can see is virtually covered with cobwebs.

firstly, the past week has somewhat been hectic especially on thurs and fri, where we had to rush to rectify some mistakes.. thanks to some people, who knew the mistakes, yet didn't speak up.

and they get their 4,5 - figure paysums from us, the taxpayers.

what the hell.

anyway, so we (the ones getting measly allowances from the taxpayers) worked through the whole day till evening getting everything right and working.


work aside, recently nothing's been happening.

life's pretty much this routine: monday - friday, work. saturday, meet up with frens, hit town, city area, shop around, catch a movie.

not that i'm complaining, after all, i'm stay-out vocation. begun to sort of accept things the way they are, even though i don't really expect this kind of life in NS.


anyway, whatever it is, its roughly 7 more months or so to getting the pink IC back! i miss it so much, i'm dead serious man. ORD is such an important date now in my life. its like every now and then i'll emo and remind myself OH NOT TO WORRY 7 MORE MONTHS lolol.

time files man. previously it was 1 year and like 5,6 months? lol!

next week, i've to report to pasir ris camp. yep, 5 days straight. sucks balls.


and oh, mini, my bad for crashing that chopper in GTA 4. seriously thats an EPIC FAIL


BAHAHAHAHAHA!

happy new year everyone.

2010. a new year, a new start, a (most probably) new trip to Taiwan, a new university life awaiting, new friends blah blah blah.....

2010 sounds good. well, for one, i'm getting out of the godforsaken place known as Pasir Laba Camp. thats like the best thing to look forward to..

well technically i'm not gonna ORD cuz i'll be disrupting my NS to continue my uni studies.. but fuck when i come back to serve the remaining 1 month or so i doubt they'll give me much work to do.. just come back office shake leg :D


anyway, wish everyone a brand new year with new surprises!