hello everyone. how have you guys been?

been listening to this song for sometime now. its really good. meaningful too.





life has been pretty boring so far. other than school work, i have CCA tchoukball trainings, gym, FYP to do.. oh yeah a few days back i finally got to play soccer again! like, after 4-5 months.

Frankly speaking, I've never been a huge fan or really really like Tchoukball, but i guess its okay to try out something new. Football has always been my love and passion. Funny though, I don't bother keeping track of football news and stuffs. Whenever friends start to talk about the latest news or whatever bullshit I'll just space out.....

don't give a fuck anyways.. haha

Sorry people. No interesting stories, no pathetic encounters to share with you guys today.


my life is just stagnant now.

what is, or was, your biggest regret in college?

without hesitation, its definitely failing one of my core modules.


yup.

its not "not getting a girlfriend". its about getting a F grade.

up till now, i find myself not really fully over it. all my life, for all my major examinations, i have never ever failed any subject. to find myself failing one during college is...... well kinda unbelievable and shocking.

i was in hong kong when i saw my results.

i didn't really sleep well, but i tried to enjoy myself there as much as possible. thank goodness for 2 of my crazy friends who tried to cheer me up (offering to pay for a prostitute for me isn't really the best solution though).


that semester, i scored very well. in fact it was the only semester that i've scored that well. and everything came crashing down with a F grade. it was a core, not an elective that i can S/U.

i had to squeeze in that module in the following year. i had to attend extra classes and face the same professors again.

i had to prepare for an extra examination paper.

the GPA took a plunge, but fortunately, thanks to my other papers, it did not take a huge fall. my hopes of securing at least a 2nd upper honours was gone. now i'm on the borderline for a 2nd lower.

oh man.


well i can sort of comfort myself by saying i attempted 7 core modules in a single semester. juggling 7 papers was no easy feat. that semester was the worst one. i lost weight before the examination period.

honestly speaking i don't even know how i failed that damn module. funny how life turns out; i scored a B- for the toughest module and i failed the midterms for that one.


the professor probably hates me. but guess what: NO ONE LIKES HIM TOO.

:(

when will you ever learn.


its kinda funny sometimes, when you think you are quite old enough to understand certain things, or make certain decisions. then you get it right back in your face. tables are turned against you.

you get ridiculed.

not only misunderstood, but ridiculed.

no, don't shake your head and let it go with a smile, thinking, "Oh it happens.. shit happens. I'll just get over it. Gahh...."

no.

you need to learn. its not a shameful thing or embarrassing thing to learn from such situations.

its only through learning that you don't make the same mistake again.

ridiculed. again.



goodness.



makes me feel like such a huge loser.

and i tell myself, this shall not happen again. never.

OH, hello jolene!

before i forgot.

something to get off my mind.

why does my nose always get runny and i get a sneezing fit whenever there is an extreme change of temperature? especially in cold temperatures.

i really, really, really want a nose transplant.

:((

looks like I haven't been blogging in an extremely long time.

well. its the final year now. after 6 years of primary school education, 4 years of secondary school, 3 years old technical education at the polytechnic, 2 years of sweat during national service, and now, 3rd and final year in college.

wow.

its no secret; i'm 24 this year and its considered an "adult" age. guys my age are getting married in most parts of the world, without conscription no doubt.

its impossible for me to bask and hope for puppy love again where there's only movies, dinner and what to do for the next date to care about.

i've missed my chance.

deep down inside i feel some sort of regrets, sadness that its such a shame, what a waste, i did not have this experience that so many youngsters have. the innocence and the sheer joys of having a "girlfriend". in my time it meant that you have someone to hang out with after school and enjoy some mos burger at the heartland malls. (nowadays it just means that once her parents aren't home, you get to bang the hell outta her)

someone to text, yes, SMS, mushy lame love messages to. complete with all those crappy goodnight messages, with funny symbols representing bears, stars... yes those were my time. you get to hold hands and walk along the heartland malls. maybe weekends you'll venture into Bugis Junction?

while playing soccer in school she'll either be watching you at the sidelines or having her CCA, and you'll meet her in a sweaty state, she'll be so turned off but she still smiles. and you will, of course, choose to walk her home, probably taking a longer way.


oh well.

goodnights.



ps. those were what i observed from my friends while we were in secondary school. which is almost 8-10 years back. :) note OBSERVED FROM MY FRIENDS

:(

揚起了灰塵 回憶裡一場夢
那照片裡的人 瞳孔曾住著我
闔上了過往 夢境活成河流
已滋潤了身旁 真實中的脈搏

生命來到窗前 不吭一聲 拎走了我們
誰為情所困 誰為愛犧牲 誰比誰深刻

當時奮不顧身伸出我的手
看見了輪廓就當作宇宙
甜美的習慣變成生活 才瞭解了什麼

如今故事發展成就一個我
學會了生活能享受寂寞
劇烈的語言變成溫柔 又帶來了什麼
若是不曾走過 怎麼懂

翻飛了往事 有時灼傷眼眸
那傷人的台詞 現在聽來輕鬆
平息了心思 有時一笑而過
我此刻的樣子 見風仍然是風

生命吹過面前 不吭一聲 劃成了掌紋
揮霍了緣分 看透了景色 我懂得深刻

sometimes you wonder, the beginning seemed quite bright, everything looked so smooth.

but what's happening now? you wonder where and what went wrong.



i just don't know what to do anymore.

" 冰块 还没融化 你在看表 我 笑的尴尬 　　
你说 最近很忙 改天聊吧
　　
那天 我在楼下 想了很久 想 你说的话 　　
你说 爱情很窄 世界很大 (而我们应该长大) 　　

就这样吧 就这样吧 　　
我想我 听懂你 话中的话 　　



而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老 　　
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉 　　
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道 　　

我就是受不了 　　

而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑 　　
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉 　　
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒 　　

却还是这么难熬 　　



微笑 紧紧咬牙 给你祝福 你 自由飞吧 　　
你说 温室没有 灿烂的花 (你总是很有想法) 　　

就这样吧 就这样吧 　　

我同意 可是我 泪如雨下 　　


而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老 　　
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉 　　
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道
　　
我就是受不了 　　

而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑 　　
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉 　　
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒 　　

却还是这么难熬 "

what seemed like a good start doesn't turn out to be anything productive / desirable.

conversations staled.

awkward silences.

short, seemingly forced replies.


just going nowhere. its not that i'm not trying, or i'm doing it wrong but,


she's just not that into you.




nothing new, nothing new..

把爱深埋在记忆中　说不出口一种难过
給祝福太多　不能覆盖我的痛
你要转身你要走　不再多作停留
分開是誰說沒什麽　最难的决定是放手
眼中的落寞　说的都是我的错
当你笑着挥挥手　你的沉默我懂

請別說愛我 推我向晴天
最溫煖的天空 卻換了季節
在絕望悳面前 灑落一地心碎
就算是伤悲　 我不想太狼狈
请莂说爱我　别許下心愿
下一秒就出现　你给的纪念
风吹过了思念　曾有过的眷恋
哭紅暸雙眼　再让我心痛一天