"but.... you're a nice guy, and i can't bring it up to tell you..."

the worst excuse ever.

i don't get it, so just because i'm all nice and friendly to you, doesn't mean it gives you the right to hurt me. because "oh he's a nice guy, he'll understands i'm sure. i don't really need to tell him.." means that i don't need to know the truth from the start.

"he's a nice guy, i don't wanna hurt him, i think he'll understand one.."

"i heard from her that you're a nice guy, so she's afraid of hurting you.. and the friendship."


what the fuck........


now that the exams are over, the nightmares comes back. i start to think. thoughts haunt me. i can't help it, its just simply too overwhelming at times.

i.... tried to be angry but i know deep down inside i'm yearning for her otherwise. the sense of disappointment and the tragedy of myself is choking me up entirely.

anyway, its just a short rant. the whole episode happened weeks ago.. does it even matter anymore? no. will she give a fuck? hell no man.. does doing anything to draw her attention or to salvage the situation makes any difference? NEVER.

gah. the only saving grace is that i still have this little space for me to vent it all out. all my hopes and dreams literally smashed into pieces. i'm practically left floating on my own now, hanging onto the slightest thinnest thread. i'm sure people can tell, we don't really communicate anymore now. probably will do me good, since its gonna be the start of a whole new year, plus a new semester.

my friends, they have been supportive and understanding. thanks guys.

merry fucking christmas everyone.. =)