揚起了灰塵 回憶裡一場夢
那照片裡的人 瞳孔曾住著我
闔上了過往 夢境活成河流
已滋潤了身旁 真實中的脈搏

生命來到窗前 不吭一聲 拎走了我們
誰為情所困 誰為愛犧牲 誰比誰深刻

當時奮不顧身伸出我的手
看見了輪廓就當作宇宙
甜美的習慣變成生活 才瞭解了什麼

如今故事發展成就一個我
學會了生活能享受寂寞
劇烈的語言變成溫柔 又帶來了什麼
若是不曾走過 怎麼懂

翻飛了往事 有時灼傷眼眸
那傷人的台詞 現在聽來輕鬆
平息了心思 有時一笑而過
我此刻的樣子 見風仍然是風

生命吹過面前 不吭一聲 劃成了掌紋
揮霍了緣分 看透了景色 我懂得深刻

sometimes you wonder, the beginning seemed quite bright, everything looked so smooth.

but what's happening now? you wonder where and what went wrong.



i just don't know what to do anymore.

" 冰块 还没融化 你在看表 我 笑的尴尬 　　
你说 最近很忙 改天聊吧
　　
那天 我在楼下 想了很久 想 你说的话 　　
你说 爱情很窄 世界很大 (而我们应该长大) 　　

就这样吧 就这样吧 　　
我想我 听懂你 话中的话 　　



而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老 　　
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉 　　
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道 　　

我就是受不了 　　

而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑 　　
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉 　　
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒 　　

却还是这么难熬 　　



微笑 紧紧咬牙 给你祝福 你 自由飞吧 　　
你说 温室没有 灿烂的花 (你总是很有想法) 　　

就这样吧 就这样吧 　　

我同意 可是我 泪如雨下 　　


而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老 　　
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉 　　
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道
　　
我就是受不了 　　

而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑 　　
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉 　　
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒 　　

却还是这么难熬 "

what seemed like a good start doesn't turn out to be anything productive / desirable.

conversations staled.

awkward silences.

short, seemingly forced replies.


just going nowhere. its not that i'm not trying, or i'm doing it wrong but,


she's just not that into you.




nothing new, nothing new..

把爱深埋在记忆中　说不出口一种难过
給祝福太多　不能覆盖我的痛
你要转身你要走　不再多作停留
分開是誰說沒什麽　最难的决定是放手
眼中的落寞　说的都是我的错
当你笑着挥挥手　你的沉默我懂

請別說愛我 推我向晴天
最溫煖的天空 卻換了季節
在絕望悳面前 灑落一地心碎
就算是伤悲　 我不想太狼狈
请莂说爱我　别許下心愿
下一秒就出现　你给的纪念
风吹过了思念　曾有过的眷恋
哭紅暸雙眼　再让我心痛一天

that new girl.

i can't quite put a finger to that. but. it gives me a warm fuzzy nice feeling.


its been a long, long time. yes it has.

i........ don't ask for much. i just hope everything turns out the way i wanted.

i just watched 《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》.

no doubt, it brought back a lot of secondary school days memories for me. haha. the entire movie really took me back to the good old days of trying (very hard) to impress girls. and doing really silly things. trying to act cool and all.

those days, we didn't really cared about our studies. all we wanted was to have fun, (try) to stay out of trouble, play soccer, and really above all, get that girl.

i know for a fact 3 of us have a soft spot for this girl. but everyone knew it was only me, not my 2 other frens. hahaha suckers!!

long story short, she got attached to another friend of mine. till now. lol.

that's not the point.

the point (well not anymore after 7 years lol!) is that fooling around in those 2 years, will always be some of the silliest and interesting milestones in my life. most days we'll be thinking in class on how to chase that girl and all.

it was so fun back then.

and now we've all grown up and have our own priorities.

but unlike the movie, we didn't remain best friends or whatsoever.



i think sometimes its just typical of me to bury myself in the stories like these, be it with a ending that most people want or a very sad ending. I'd imagined what and how it would feel to be in the guy's shoes. at least in that part of the universe, there's an alternate ending for me. alternate GOOD ending.

for that 2 hours, at least i can manage a geniune smile.

i just browsed through my old photos, both my university junior days and also my poly days..

my poly days, especially, holds more fond memories than my uni days. the 3 damn years with the same guys.... words just can't do justice to what and how i feel...

memories of the life we had in poly, the stupid things we did back then, fooling around, drinking and smoking our lives away...

haha. and now, we are all adults, some of us working, some of us studying, some of us both working and studying.

this is something money cannot buy back. no matter how rich you are.

------


my uni first year got off to a great, i mean, FUCKING GREAT start... joined the orientation camp. got to know so many fucking awesome people.

that girl, too. its something that i should just leave it as it is, the status we are now is just as fine. friends.

university is a huge change from poly. the pace of life is much faster. the people you meet are more varied (partly due to the fact that my tutorial group in poly remains unchanged for the whole damn 3 years and i did not join any CCAs).

i also reconnected with some primary school and secondary school friends there.

but most importantly it is my Enzo friends. they are my core group of niggas and homies and without them, life simply won't be the same again.

how i miss those 6 days of camp.... haha.

and what yihfang had said really makes sense. even though we don't meet up often, but when we do, we reconnect like old friends without any obvious awkward moments. its like, natural.


well but i do feel a tinge of regret. being a senior later on for Enzy, i felt that i didnt do much to help them bond during the camp. more specifically, i felt that i didnt do enough to make them feel that they had great fun in the camp. could be the lack of sleep, maybe. could be the lack of seniors and SAs.

on the other hand, i feel so good and relieved to see that they had bonded tremendously after the camp. (esp when they didnt jio us for their steamboat, knn!) but well its inevitable for cliques to form.


okay i guess i shall go sleep now. with a smile on my face :)